People Pleaser No More, Curing The Disease To Please

Many people (mostly women) do not believe the word 'No' is a complete sentence. 

We are groomed to please, not hurt others' feelings, rock the boat, or be our true selves. 

Nurturers by nature. Right?

This means committing to doing things we have no interest in, just to get along or maintain the narrative that we are good caring people. 

However, going against our inner feelings may result in being unreliable. Saying 'yes', when you really mean 'I'll pass'. Being a no-show and canceling at the last minute with a lame excuse is counterproductive.

In the workplace, not maintaining honesty about the ability to meet deadlines because you have loaded up your calendar, leads to distrust among coworkers and superiors.

Volunteering for committees to look like a model employee, may backfire. Keep priorities in check.

It is perfectly OK to ask if a meeting may be attended via webinar or call-in. This will free up some time to complete other tasks.

Not saying ‘No’ can also cause you to overbook and spread yourself thin. Never wanting to disappoint anyone, worried about whether or not your name will make the next guest list. 

I used to support everybody’s everything. Being a good friend. But after attending one too many baby showers and toddler birthday parties when I didn't have any children, I said no more!

Why should I spend my quality free time at the local family entertainment center, wishing I had a glass of wine and earplugs to drown out those sugar-hyped screams?

Especially when the same people whose children I was playing the part of Super Auntie for, didn’t support me when I had a special occasion like a housewarming or advanced degree graduation.

Being a people pleaser is just downright stressful.

Be realistic about what you already have going on and the things you actually want to attend.

Stop agreeing to everything! It’s your life. Make it as fulfilling as possible.